Dammit!
by ChibiJaime
Summary: It's insane! It's ridiculously ooc! It's pointless! It's yaoi! Squall's roommate while he was just a SeeD candidate was Seifer... so what exactly did they fight over? What was the rivarly started from?! Rated for language and sexual inferences. Sei


~Author's Note:  
  
So, who exactly *was* Squall Leonhart's roommate before he got moved to a room of his own? Do we want to know?  
  
Yes.  
  
Well, here's your answer. That's right... this fic is completely, totally, and utterly pointless. It's insanely ooc. It's yaoi. And it's ridiculous. So, here it is! Enjoy!~  
  
.oOo~Dammit!~oOo.  
  
"SEIFER! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"  
  
Seifer Almasy groaned as he heard someone yelling at him. It was obvious they were quite close to his bed, and they were loud. Louder than a person who usually never said more than five words in a sentence should have been. Opening one jade green eye, he found himself looking at... Squall Leonhart's pants?  
  
Yes, it was certain. Seifer now knew that he was going to have a *really* shitty day.  
  
"What do you want, Squall?" he groaned, turning onto his side and pulling the pillow over his head.  
  
It was obvious Squall was not going to accept this avoidance tactic. He yanked the pillow away and glared at his golden-haired roommate. "I want to know why the hell you didn't fold the towels right!"  
  
A long pause. Seifer sweatdropped and sat up, glowering angrily at the young man with the misty blue eyes and soft brown hair. "You woke me up for *that*?! What the fuck are you on, Squall?!"  
  
"I've showed you how to do that a million times, Seifer. You can't tell me you can't fold a damn towel right! It looks tacky!"  
  
"Tacky my ass! At least they're folded!"  
  
"That's it! No sex for a week!"  
  
"...Dammit."  
  
*****  
  
Three days later, Seifer was becoming frustrated. He hadn't really upset Squall that badly by not folding the towels right, had he? Oh well... four more days to go. Then, he could release all his pent-up sexual frustration on one very surprised Squall.  
  
"SEIFER!"  
  
Or maybe not.  
  
With a weary sigh, he turned towards where Squall was standing in the doorway coming into the dorm. "What now, Squall?"  
  
"You took my uniform!"  
  
"The hell are you talking about?! They look exactly the same!"  
  
"That's *exactly* what a criminal would say!"  
  
"............What the *fuck*?!"  
  
"Couch."  
  
"Dammit!"  
  
*****  
  
Okay, now Seifer was really annoyed. One week sans sex he could handle. Two was going to drive him batty. So there he was, in his own room of the dorm, pacing back and forth and plotting a way to sneak in on Squall while the other man was asleep. A damn near impossible task, since Squall slept as heavily as a hummingbird on speed.  
  
...  
  
Yep, he was screwed. And not in the way he wanted, either.  
  
Sighing, he went to get the laundry.  
  
Once he came back, Squall was taking a rest, so Seifer went to read a book. Several minutes later, the blue-eyed young man was up and about, but when he checked the clothes...  
  
"SEIFER!"  
  
Shit.  
  
"What now?"  
  
"You used the cheap detergent again! You know I'm allergic to that stuff!"  
  
"What? I thought it was Tide you were allergic to!'  
  
"It's *Bounce*, bastard. That's another week."  
  
"Dammit!"  
  
*****  
  
By this point, Seifer was about to pop a cork. He had never been so sexually frustrated during a three-week time-span in his entire life, and Squall -- the Sex Nazi Bitch that he was -- was *not* helping.  
  
He grumbled in frustration as Squall stalked past him and into the bathroom, completely ignoring his existance. A moment later... "SEIFER!"  
  
Seifer was now seriously considering changing his name. "WHAT?!"  
  
"You left the toilet seat up!"  
  
"WE'RE BOTH MEN, YOU DUMBASS!"  
  
"FLOOR!"  
  
"DAMMIT!"  
  
*****  
  
Class. The one time, Seifer thought, he could get his mind off Squall, sex, and bad thoughts *involving* Squall and sex. Of course, this wasn't a good thing. He didn't even notice that he was developing a *slight* problem as he was watching Quistis, who was going over some diagrams on the board.  
  
Suddenly, the computer terminal beeped. An e-mail? He opened it.  
  
::No sex for another week, you cheating bastard.::  
  
Seifer blinked, looked at Squall, who scowled at him... then looked down at his pants. The e-mail response was simple.  
  
::Dammit. I was thinking about you the whole time, though! I swear!::  
  
*****  
  
Seifer had a headache. He was sexually frustrated, as not having sex in five weeks will do to you, annoyed, and hungry. As he sat in the cafeteria, he beat his head against the table, completely ignoring the strange looks Raijin and Fuujin gave him.  
  
"OKAY?" Fuujin questioned, tilting her head slightly to one side.  
  
"No (thunk) I'm (thunk) not (thunk) okay (thunk)!"  
  
Raijin sweatdropped. "I think that's about the best answer we're gonna get, ya know."  
  
Groaning, Seifer glowered at the two, then scanned the lunchroom with his eyes. Zell Dincht sat at the other side, happily eating a hot dog. Seifer twitched once... twice... then fell out of his chair, twitching. Zell was still happily oblivious, munching on his hot dog. Squall was just snickering, watching the spectacle from across the room.  
  
Seifer decided then that this sex-less thing had to end. Now.  
  
*****  
  
Squall yawned, reading a book as he sat on his bed. Suddenly, the door opened, stayed that way for a moment, then slammed shut. He craned his neck to see who had come in, but was only greeted by being pinned to the bed by one very sexually-frustrated Seifer, who proceeded to ravish the poor boy senseless. ^_~  
  
Of course, afterwords...  
  
"Seifer?"  
  
"Yes, Squall?"  
  
"You made me lose my place in my book. No more sex for another week."  
  
"Dammit!"  
  
~The End~ 


End file.
